Infrareds to the Rescue!

This is a follow up post to the “Unskilled Facilitator”. I shared with my team the facilitation incident described in that post and my team helped me get unstuck–of course! I should have known they wouldn’t refuse an opportunity to help move me along (he he).

Jonathon, Ruth and Michelle offered me some good advice about how to hold a risky conversation with the other director who is a member of the committee I described, and who interrupted my attempts to be a skilled facilitator during the meeting. They referred me to some of Schwartz’s ground rules, and framed the intervention in a manner that I could apply to myself. I had gotten stuck in regards to intervention because the behavior was directed at me as opposed to someone else–and I had troubling re-orienting to the diagnosis and interventions that skilled facilitators practice.  The team also provided me some insight as to how I could handle an intervention during the meeting if I have to deal with behaviors in the future. One of the most helpful things that Jonathon reminded me to do was to explain reasoning and intent and to focus on interests, not positions. I now have a plan to approach my colleague as soon as possible to hold the risky conversation about last week’s meeting, and jointly design next steps and test disagreements. It is possible that we’ll also be able to discuss the undiscussables–perhaps some of the underlying reasons that neither of us trust the other. In the meantime, I have scheduled monthly meetings with my colleague so that we have a regular venue in which to hold our risky conversations.

I am grateful to my Infrared team mates and right now, wonder what I will do without them once our class is over. I hope we stay in touch and call upon each other when we need support. This group experience has certainly convinced me that, in many cases, four heads are better than one.

Add comment May 3, 2009 pmcfarline

Unskilled Facilitator

This past Friday, I had an opportunity to utilize facilitation skills–I mean, I would have had an opportunity to utilize facilitation skills if I had recognized it as such. The group I chaired includes staff in my utilization management department as well as clinical staff who work in our residential treatment program. We meet quarterly and this is the second time I have chaired the committee.

There is a depth of organizational history that provides clues to the behaviors of individuals within this group. A year and a half ago, I was promoted into a position that combined our quality improvement program with our utilization management program–and in that transition, I became a supervisor of four staff (only 2 of whom remain). Up until that time, the staff I now supervise were integrated into their respective programs, one of which was the residential program. And even though those staff members are now part of my department, which is intended to be separate from programs, the fact is that those staff members still see themselves as team members of the program, not of my new department. Additionally, I moved my office into the building that houses the residential staff–and I share this space with the director of the residential program. He and I have been working on our relationship with some progress; but the starting point was a low one. He did (perhaps does) not trust me and early on conveyed that he believed my motive in moving to his building was to keep tabs on him and his program staff. The residential program director is also a member of the committee meeting I chaired on Friday.

I did not consider my role as a facilitator of this group prior to our meeting. I thought of myself as the chair, the agenda setter, the facilitator of discussion of the data, but not as the type of facilitator who might have to consider intervention on group dynamics. Some of the history I described above played out within the meeting–staff playing roles I might consider inappropriate based on current job responsibilities; two directors in the meeting jostling for control–but this took me by surprise. I tried to mediate my responses during the meeting & separate myself, Penny the Director of QI/UM, from Penny the facilitator. After the meeting, I reflected on what impacted me and why. Here’s what I know about my own triggers: I like to be in control and don’t like it when my perception of control is challenged. I worry that others perceive me to be less of a leader when I am not dominant or dominating. I think this is part of what I reacted to (I hope internally) during that meeting on Friday–the one that I did not facilitate so skillfully. Next time, I’ll be better prepared.

Add comment May 3, 2009 pmcfarline

Family

I have the idea that my family should be a team–a strong, cohesive team. We struggle with this concept, and I may be the only member of my family that holds the image of us as a team. In fact, I am sure I am. So if I’m the only member of our group that wants us to be a team, is it ever possible for us to actually be a team?

One of the core paradoxes with which our family group grapples is that of individuality and identity. My family consists of three males–one 14, one 18 and the other nearly 38. It goes without saying that my 18 year old son is deep in the throes of exploring who he is, what he values, and to what groups he may like to become a member. He is a freshman at Amherst College and is not sure that’s exactly where he fits–he has not committed to membership in an important group, the institution responsible for providing his education for the next four years. Paradoxically, since he as left home, he seems to be much more comfortable with his membership within our family (and much more willing to operate, at least some times, as a team). My 14 year old son is now entering the years in which his primary job is to break away from the family and establish his own separate and unique identity. These can be painful years for all involved. My 38 year old partner and I have been together since 2001. Both of us have been through divorce and have children from our previous marriages. Both of us have brought previous experiences into this partnership, some of which promotes cohesion and team work, some of which acts as barriers. Each one of us has struggled with re-defining ourselves in the aftermath of divorce, and then integrating into a new and very different type of group–the blended family. It is probably no surprise that we don’t operate as a team yet–I have high hopes–but it may be many years before that happpens.

Add comment May 3, 2009 pmcfarline

First Blog

Over half way through the semester, first blog. It’s a good time to reflect on the dynamics of my group, the Infrareds. I think we are doing justice to the idea that there is good or preferable ways that groups develop. We certainly have allowed ourselves to experience conflict and grow because of it. During the first project, the paper, I noticed that some of us (myself included) would try to put “guidelines” or “rules” or “time limits” around our interactions. Some of these things were helpful and made us more productive; but some of these things were mechanisms that allowed an escape route if meetings went on too long, or reins for members who strayed too far from our purpose.  In the most recent meeting we had, all of us were much looser with our guidelines and expectations and time limits. We did keep each other focused and accomplished our task, but we were much more casual about it, more natural in our manner with each other. I suppose we now have relationships and a sense of comfort, reliability, such that barriers are down and boundaries are more loosely drawn.

And conflict–we’ve had some recent interactions in which one or two of us have given another group member some feedback on interrupting. We are all interested in putting forth our ideas and providing a great deal of input and information–a behavior that makes our group stronger. We are now not afraid to challenge each other on an idea, but we are also supportive and affirming. However, I think the one thing that has made us the strongest are when we’ve given some feedback and group members have listened, have cared enough to modify their actions for the group. The level of comfort that has grown amongst our team was apparent during our recent group presentation, I believe.

Add comment May 3, 2009 pmcfarline

runners

Last Monday, I completed the Boston marathon. What a thrill! Boston is a terrific city and one I’d like to visit again.

Lots of runners descended on the city for the marathon, and they were easily found in the throngs of others: lean of build, and most of them sporting the blue and yellow official Boston marathon jackets. All of them carried a large yellow plastic bag, essential for holding their race gear on race day. These people, and I, were easily identified on the subway (or the T) across the city.

Funny thing about uniforms, insignia, or any visual group identifier. There were the runners, but in Boston that weekend, there were lots of others identifying themselves with a particular group. The Red Sox were playing and it was clear who in the city were headed to the games — they all wore Red Sox shirts or hats (and many of them openly or covertly partook of alcoholic beverages in publc). The Celtics afficionados wore those shirts; those following the Bruins let us know. It seemed that everyone belonged to one group or another, groups of strangers brought together for the love of the sport.

The day before the marathon, we breakfasted in the hotel dining area. The lean runners, in their wind jackets and running shoes and track pants, scooped from bowls of raisin bran and fruit. Their non-running family members ate bacon, eggs and pastries. My friend and I joked with our waitress, with whom we’d become friendly, that it was funny to us how runners dressed in running gear even when NOT RUNNING. You could tell them a mile awhile, we laughed. Are you here to run the marathon? She asked–and when I answered in the affirmative, she said, well, I pegged you for one of them, a runner. It seemed that my group membership was obvious to the outside observer, dressed in what I thought was not the “uniform”.

Add comment April 25, 2009 pmcfarline